Crime Smackdown.
On Wednesday, after months of careful planning and evaluation of their intelligence, Kent Police in coalition with fellow plods in Essex staged a massive day of action. The Kent and Essex Totally Not Light-hearted Crime Directorate targeted known criminals and their hideouts. Large buildings surrounded by high walls a topped with razor wire were singled out for careful forensic scrutiny. Assistant Chief Constable Pugsey Malone confirmed that premises at Elmley, Cookham Wood, Stanford Hill and Maidstone were raided and a large number of known criminals were found to be hiding in cunningly disguised cells concealed behind locked doors. Although no arrest were made all those found were given a good telling off.
Hard on the heels of this success on Thursday Maidstone’s own finest from the CID office raided premises in the town centre. Startled innocent hard working decent Maidstone stakeholders were shocked when several or more police riot vans screeched to a halt in Week Street and the shouted command of ‘go, go go, was heard. Passing shambolic wreck ‘Bullshit Bob’ told The Tissue ‘about thirty guys dressed as storm troopers decamped from the vans and although the doors were open smashed their way into the building’. He addled ‘I have lived in and around and under the bushes of Maidstone for years and it is not the kind of thing that happens round here – got any spare change’. A speaks person for Maidstone CID confirmed that an intelligence led raid had taken place and a large haul of drugs had been discovered. No arrests have been made at this time but he didn’t discount further action once the haul had been analysed and sampled by the Palace Avenue Posse. A person at the raided premises calling himself ‘The Manager’ has stated his shock, horror and surprise at the raid but did concede the targeted premises - known as ‘Super Drug’- do indeed sell products of a pharmaceutical nature.
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