Maidstone United

Maidstone United.

The Chuckle Fréres, Maidstone United’s new French owners, have pledged themselves to a precise flexible timetable to bring The Stones home and have a new ground built within the next hundred years. The previous owner’s worthy but over ambitious plans to build a shed and an outside toilet on land adjacent to Whatman Way were scuppered when the football foundation refused to sanction a £39 grant. However the fresh impetuous the new owners bring and their willingness to empty their wallets in paying off the business debts bring much needed gaiety to the Town. For too long the local Chamber of Commerce has been dominated by those attempting to make a profit from their business so it is hugely reassuring when two enthusiastic if slightly delusional characters appear. They will get all the assistance they need from a soccer mad council. Councillor Wishbone Ash the closet member for something and leisure welcomed the news. ‘It has long been my view that the decent hard working law abiding stakeholders of Maidstone deserve a football team and stadium to be proud of’. He added ‘as a compassionate and soccer crazy council we are and always have been fully committed to helping Maidstone United identify a site somewhere local in the Outer Hebrides or Cornwall. Now the Whatman Way site is once again talked about I look forward to the day when Maidstone’s soccer starved families can enjoy a pleasant Saturday afternoon fraternising with Millwall supporters and exchanging friendly banter over a post match drink in The County Council social club. A note of dissent was expressed by local Green With Discord Party spokesperson Wolfie Throwback who said ‘we would prefer the site left derelict and retain its rustic charm and ecological bio diversity. To this end we are organising a demonstration and calling for a general strike to alert the people of Maidstone to this unwanted development. What we say is let Whatman Way remain as a wildlife sanctuary for the endangered invisible newt, disadvantaged asylum seekers and unemployed Polish plumbers.